“What Happens when your
Primary Caregiver was your Father?”
As a little girl, I thought it was normal to hop into my dad’s corvette and ride to the grocery store and back, unload the groceries, prepare the dinner, and sit down at the table when dinner was cooked right next to my dad. Now as a 37-year-old woman who has her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, I have realized how rare I am to have had a father as a primary caregiver. Conversations about menstrual cramps, boys, dating, and how present yourself as a lady.
I can remember in Summer 2014, my father noticed that I am always the life of the party and wondered if that was getting in the way of alpha males finding me attractive. I will never forget how sensitive and straight-forward he discussed his desire for me to find a compatible mate to marry. However, he did not think the alpha male that he had in mind for me would think I would be submissive enough for his liking, even though I do not like to be the alpha woman in my romantic relationships. So, we decided after an hour phone conversation that maybe I could water myself down a little in social settings and give more people room or space to shine in their own way. Needless to say, it definitely worked. You know, I just remembered, in this same conversation, he apologized for not teaching me more about being more feminine. He literally said, verbatim, “I knew you always wanted to be with me, but I did not know that you were going to become me. While you were growing up, I forgot to teach you about being a lady. I guess I thought your mother would have taught you. Hmm…” Yeah, how to wash up at least twice in the shower, the importance of smelling good and having nice hands; let’s just say my mom was busy doing those feminine things by herself without actually verbalizing these things to her daughter. Moving on…
Some may think that my father is a bit of a chauvinist. But I find him to just be a very confident man. Either way it goes, I believe that I got the best of both worlds. I had a strong, confident, athletic, hardworking father who was in tune with his emotions, honest with everyone around him and expressed himself. I tell people all of the time that I have GOOD DADDY ISSUES. I actually have never thought that men were liars, or cheaters, or passive, or the weaker sex. I mean, it has never crossed my mind that they do not do dishes, that they make broken promises, or don’t take care of their responsibilities. Integrity and Direct are two words that come to mind when thinking about men or father, or brothers. And people wonder why I have had such a hard time with finding a man. It is not because that men are not desiring to be all of these characteristics. Some of them, just need someone to show them the way because they did not have a male role model to display the way a man should be a father.
One last thing, fathers stopped thinking that you have to treat your daughter differently than you treat your son. For instance, sports, climbing trees, riding motorcycles, lifting weights, just some of the various “boy” things that a father usually does with his son, what about with his daughter. No, this will not turn her into a “stud” or a “butch,” it may just teach her how to be strong and how to use her body for respectful things and not for promiscuous ones. I am just saying, you can always tell a woman who was raised by her father and a woman who was not. No judgment, just facts. But just for fun, here is a list of “You know you were raised by your father if…” statements.
- You know you were raised by your father if…Youurine a little faster than the average girl. I never realized this until I was 32 years old and one of my best friends were talking to my boyfriend, at the time, stating “You know she pees fast and hard.” What? I do. I never realized how masculine I was until I started to list, in my opinion of my stereotypical masculine ways.
- You know you were raised by your father if…Your arguments last a total of 5-20 minutes and you know how to “let go.” This is one of my favorite things about men, they do not argue long and they definitely get over things easily. Unlike how I have found women to socialize or get upset, many times, the arguments can last up to 5 and 10 years. Women have a very difficult time of “letting go.” But I digress.
- You know you were raised by your father if…You say what you mean and mean what you say. Men do not waste words. In fact, I truly believe that they are the better communicators. I know. I know. Most women will disagree with me, but I am not here to listen to their dissertation on their argument. I am only saying that men and the better communicators because they will say EXACTLY what they mean, if you listen to them speaking without listening to them to talk back.
- You know you were raised by your father if…You listen to the other person while they are talking without interrupting them. I have not yet mastered this one. However, I have learned how important it is to NOT interrupt a man while he is talking because it is not the way that they socialize and they will feel completely disrespected when you do. In fact, I have attached 12 reasons that support this.